Monday, March 13, 2006

The Terrible Drewth

I always found the presence of sports agent Drew Rosenhaus on Channel 7’s Sports Xtra nauseating. Having an agent as a regular to give pro football news and opinion is akin to having, say, a defense industry lobbyist on the Nightly News every night talking explaining the Iraq War to people. How the hell can you trust anything he says?

There have been reports of Rosenhaus’ conflicts of interest on the show (Robert Andrew Powell did a high-larious one in Miami New Times back in 1999), but the agent is apparently glued to Fox like a fly in leftover waffle syrup. Last night broadcaster Steve Shapiro spent a good deal of the show with Rosenhaus, who was in a studio in Phoenix, where he’d just completed a $30 million deal for Edgerrin James to join the Cardinals.

Rosenhaus wore a black and red Rosenhaus Sports Representation shirt, which has a Superman-style S in the middle of it. “I’m wearing my [Cardinals’] colors!” he said to Shapiro, pulling on the company logo.

“Enjoying the red shirt, Superman,” said Shapiro, who trails only Jimmy Cefalo in the sports broadcasting smarm sweepstakes.

Question: What the hell does South Florida care about the stinking Cardinals? And why is our local Fox affiliate allowing Rosenhaus to advertise his stinking agency – where he is renowned for dirty stunts that sully the game of football -- on network time?

But that’s not all – there’s also special graphics with Rosenhaus posing in a suit with a cell phone for the segment, “Drew Or False.”

“I’m just trying to figure out your commission,” Shapiro said at one point during the show about the James deal.

I'm trying to figure out how much Rosenhaus is paying WSVN.

Hemorrhoids Rule
S.V. Date had a good story about a power play in the Florida Senate between Jeff Atwater and Alex Villalobos. A number of Republican Senators switched allegiance from Villalobos to Atwater and the Post included some of their excuses. The best excuse, perhaps of all time, came from Steve Wise, of Jacksonville: "I'm home, I'm sick, I'm under heavy medication for pain (for hemorrhoids), and I thought it was a done deal. ... I wasn't thinking clearly."

For once, a politician admits his head was in his ass.

My Old Beiruty Home
Ethan Skolnick, a sturdy sportswriter for the Sentinel (and once my venerable softball coach), succumbed to exaggeration this weekend in an otherwise compelling feature story on new Miami Heater Derek Anderson. Describing Anderson’s tough childhood, Skolnick wrote:

“Dodging daily disasters in Louisville's drug-infested Southwick Projects, which have since been torn down. Seeing someone shot once or twice a week. One of his closest friends shot and killed someone, then was shot and killed himself. It was common enough to become normal.”

For a guy with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Anderson has got a nice jumper. Hear about people getting shot once or twice a week? Maybe. See them? Flat-out impossible.

This Just In ...
Chris Kovanes took a bowel movement at Davie City Hall six months ago and failed to flush. Will update whenever close to fathomable.

Crocodile Jeers
From the Sentinel Lifestyles section today, we get a feature story on shoes.

"They're colorful. They carry celebrity cachet. And they're everywhere. Those comfy Crocs shoes have walked into our hearts and onto our souls."

Then they reached their finger down our throats and triggered our gag reflexes. Them's some talented shoes.

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